don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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