i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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