how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
