So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
