I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
