how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
