That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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