They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
