I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
