So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
