i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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