my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
