he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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