WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
