its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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