I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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