May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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