That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
