I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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