I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i wish my penis had a tongue
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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