Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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