Those balls look pretty dangerous.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize