You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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