He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Use "feeling words"
Yay
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
