so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
