This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
