I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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