If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
