I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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