Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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