Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
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Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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