based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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