ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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