So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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