Having a random hookup so left but love u
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I need moral support for this bender
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
