Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
