btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
