i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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