Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
