I just made out with a guy for $7.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
