my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
