I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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