why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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