went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Operation Purity has been aborted
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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