OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
