If i come over, it means nothing
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
