Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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