STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize