And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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