i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
