he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
