An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
3pm strippers are depressing
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
