i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
