I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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