What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
