The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
