I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
