If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
