If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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