brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
