This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
