so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
