all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
