woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
