'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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