just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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