BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
