I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
