yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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