I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
