We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Randomize
