ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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