My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
