And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
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Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
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Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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