I should be sponsored by Trojan
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
