probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
