She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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