she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I lost the right to judge tonight
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
