Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
