Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
