Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
