just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
