Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
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I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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