hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If I die, sorry about rent.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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