I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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