What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
